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choice
April 2008 
Do you believe happiness is a choice?
Posted on Sep 27th, 2007
by 
nofixedstars
nofixedstars
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for September 27, 2007:
the short answer? yes and no. (sorry!)
i do believe that to a certain extent, yes, happiness is a choice. i accept the maxim that says we cannot control what happens to us in life, but we can control how we react to it. we all know people who seem to be displeased with their lives in general despite the large amount of good stuff they experience; and we all know people who face significant challenges with a decent amount of cheer. but as someone who has fought depression for much of my life, i have to say that it isn't easy for everyone. i believe there may be biochemical reasons for this in many cases, including my own. (see earlier blogs...) i have opted not to use drug treatment to address this, and there are times when i wonder if i have what it takes to continue on my "path of chosen optimism" without external help. especially over the last couple of years, which have been full of challenges. we are creatures who make sense of our world through pattern-recognition, and sometimes our patterns may be rather negative. as in rejection: a person who has been rejected in relationships (especially if there is something in infancy & early childhood that set the stage for it) will often see each new rejection as a confirmation of his own unworthiness. it is difficult to preserve a sense of optimism and self-worth then.
so yes, happiness is a choice. we can change our minds...but it's a choice that is harder for some people than others, or harder for everyone at certain times. sometimes the most difficult person to extend true compassion to is the self. and in a culture that bombards you with the concept that you can buy happiness, many people will be confused by the way they seem to have a ton of stuff but still aren't happy. sometimes, when i'm feeling cynical and cranky, i see our society as a collection of metaphorical empty cannisters wandering about, leaving a trail of literal empty cannisters in their wake... sometimes i feel like a empty container myself. in more compassionate moments, i know that the more accurate metaphor would be one of people in various states of waking. happiness may be, like other characteristics of enlightenment, a matter of being fully awake to one's own nature and the nature of the universe.
i do believe that to a certain extent, yes, happiness is a choice. i accept the maxim that says we cannot control what happens to us in life, but we can control how we react to it. we all know people who seem to be displeased with their lives in general despite the large amount of good stuff they experience; and we all know people who face significant challenges with a decent amount of cheer. but as someone who has fought depression for much of my life, i have to say that it isn't easy for everyone. i believe there may be biochemical reasons for this in many cases, including my own. (see earlier blogs...) i have opted not to use drug treatment to address this, and there are times when i wonder if i have what it takes to continue on my "path of chosen optimism" without external help. especially over the last couple of years, which have been full of challenges. we are creatures who make sense of our world through pattern-recognition, and sometimes our patterns may be rather negative. as in rejection: a person who has been rejected in relationships (especially if there is something in infancy & early childhood that set the stage for it) will often see each new rejection as a confirmation of his own unworthiness. it is difficult to preserve a sense of optimism and self-worth then.
so yes, happiness is a choice. we can change our minds...but it's a choice that is harder for some people than others, or harder for everyone at certain times. sometimes the most difficult person to extend true compassion to is the self. and in a culture that bombards you with the concept that you can buy happiness, many people will be confused by the way they seem to have a ton of stuff but still aren't happy. sometimes, when i'm feeling cynical and cranky, i see our society as a collection of metaphorical empty cannisters wandering about, leaving a trail of literal empty cannisters in their wake... sometimes i feel like a empty container myself. in more compassionate moments, i know that the more accurate metaphor would be one of people in various states of waking. happiness may be, like other characteristics of enlightenment, a matter of being fully awake to one's own nature and the nature of the universe.
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I have suffered from depression for years off and on; I also chose to not be medicated and experience. At one point I found myself as you do at times “…when i'm feeling cynical and cranky, i see our society as a collection of metaphorical empty cannisters wandering about, leaving a trail of literal empty cannisters in their wake… sometimes i feel like a empty container myself. ” What has helped me to start to conquer the depression was keeping a notebook; at night I would and still write what I seen that made me happy. In the beginning it was hard to find three things that made me happy and at times it was writing about a butterfly that was beautiful or my child smiling. Now six years later I have an endless supply of things to write about at the end of the day. I now make a conscience effort to do things everyday that bring joy. I have found that the depression has fallen to the wayside. Maybe it might help you or someone you know.
Fantastic entry! I had a very difficult period in my life including multiple family deaths and a near fatal car crash. My doctor was worried about me commiting suicide or being in an endless depression. Choosing to find the joy in life works wonders for every part of our being.
For me I had no alternative but to look at and write down what made me happy everyday. My ex tried to kill my children and I; my father passed unexpectedly 3 months later; six months later my cousin was killed by a drunk driver and my grandfather died. My therapist was very concerned that I would kill myself; I did not have a sharp knife or sledge hammer in or near my home. I was in no way going to kill myself because my ex or his family would have been raising my children~ I just could not do it to my babies but the thought had crossed my mind. I look back now and realize God was showing showing me that I was stronger than I believed I was.