surprised by joy

how extraordinary it feels to find someone of the opposite sex who values you for what and who you really are...to be truly seen, as a whole human being, not just a superficially appealing person. to get the impression that someone would like to know more about you than what you look like without your clothing on. and to know that you are also appreciated without your clothing. to feel that someone likes you because of, not in spite of, the characteristics that make you uniquely yourself. to discover that your intellect is neither threatening nor boring to the other person. to be treated with respect and consideration. to find that the fact of having a child already in your life is not a negative factor to this other person. to be supported in the need to put the child first. even more, to see someone taking joy in the presence of your child! to be able to relax completely in this person's company. to share the same preferences, priorities, and values. to feel a contentment so encompassing that it makes the past years of sorrow and struggle irrelevant, because you are a stronger, more mature, more appreciative person for having gone through it. to be free of expectations of failure. to have your heart open to the immediacy of the intense present and the possibility of an enduring future. it's like someone transplanted a seedling tree from a too-small pot into a wide green garden with its own talmud-attested angel bending tenderly over it, whispering grow, grow...