What would you like to untangle?

gender relations, unquestionably! so many people are impacted by various cultural, religious, or familial slants on how women and men should be... there are all these expectations about what it means to be a woman or what it means to be a man, and they are so limiting. they set up conflict between the sexes. they cause unjust, cruel, and exploitive behavior. sometimes, they directly impact the survival of children, as when people choose to limit the births of female infants, or feed baby girls less than baby boys, because their culture values boys more highly. they make it hard to live and raise children together without tons of personal conflict. they cause sorrow and hatred too, especially when people accept homophobic views. it's insane---i actually know men who will not wear a pink shirt because they think it will mark them as gay. and worse, they believe that being gay is some negative thing. i mean, wear whatever color shirt you like, for chrissake! and more importantly, love whomever you love! then there are all the negative things one is taught about being female, even today. and there are negative things about the expectations placed on men too. this stuff does no one any favors. i accept that there are cogent differences between men and women, biologically and neurologically speaking, but those things don't need to mean that we can't get along, play to our own individual strengths, and allow for a wide range of complementary functions. every time i see mainstream, mass-market children's clothing or furnishings/ toys catalogs, i am discouraged by how little progress has been made in the area of gender scripting. it may seem trivial, but i see it as a reflection of the status quo...the little girls' toys and furnishings and clothing are still largely pastels and flowers and princessy. they have dolls, toy appliances, "girly-girl" stuff, all in shades of pink, purple, and glitter. the little boys are to select from sports, nasty war toys, outdoorsy stuff, in a palette of primary colors or olive green. (or worse, camouflage, for the little warrior...) how does it serve us to raise most boys without letting them practice nurturing behaviors? or to raise the girls without the ability to set appropriate boundaries and find their strength? i know good men who have fought all their lives to accept themselves because they feel they are somehow different and thus less "manly" than the stereotypical guy in our culture. i know lots of women who have made crappy decisions because they felt obligated to act in certain ways to conform to the stereotypes of femaleness. and ask any gay people you know about navigating this culture...it's so screwed-up, and it does so much harm. let's level the playing field by tossing out the useless "girls are.../boys are..." iconography, and raise kids who can be who and what they are without limitation or fear. let them grow up into the unique men and women they will be, in a world where strength and gentleness are the province of both sexes.